I don't use this much anymore, and I don't plan on starting again...actually I'd kinda like to make my own blog for my hobbies, etc. I feel the need to write on this subject though simply because whenever something provokes my philosophical thoughts like this, it's therapeutic for me to write down those thoughts in the hopes of provoking the same critical thinking in others...it helps me to not stew in my own emotions.

For those who don't live around here and don't know what I'm talking about, a high school student commit suicide in a bathroom using a sawed-off shotgun. Later, the school found incendiary devices including molotov cocktails, and a lot of ammunition in his locker. They also found a note (http://www.whec.com/article/stories/s929826.shtml?cat=565) basically saying what the kid was planning on doing, instead of killing himself. He wanted to kill his fellow students simply for the sake of killing them...not because he was bullied, just because he wanted to kill...he hated the people there for an unknown reason.

For some fluke reason that no one will ever know, he decided to take his own life instead. It was written that maybe he didn't plan the violence and just wanted to leave a questionable legacy...but he sure went through a lot of trouble to bring such violent tools into a supposedly locked school, if he wasn't going to use them. I'm going to assume that he did originally plan to do what he wrote.

Assuming that, I'm angry because now the news is reporting that the school is dealing with this event in the context of teen suicide. Let's face it here, this school dodged a horrible horrible event. Even though a student killed himself, objectively the school itself avoided a long-lasting devastating catastrophe through no effort of its own....and here they are trying to re-frame the issue as teen suicide.

If I were involved in this situation...if I had a kid in the school, or if I was in the school myself, I would march right in to the district center or wherever the people in charge are...on one side of me would be all the children of that school, and on the other side would be a veritable A-Team of lawyers and expert psychologists ready to show the emotional damages in each child resulting from the thinking, "Wow, if this kid didn't kill himself, I'd probably be dead right now. I'm only alive because of some fluke, and it has nothing to do with my school keeping me safe."
I would walk into that room and I would say, "These kids are alive only because a person with the firepower, means, and will to kill them, for some reason decided not to. What could you possibly have to say for yourselves?"

There is no excuse, nothing they could say to change the fact that this is a huge negligence, and they're just wiping their foreheads behind the curtain, completely ignorant of this "miracle" in their favor, and presenting the issue as something different. That pisses me off. If I'm misinformed about something, then I am...but I've based my thoughts here on all the information I've found on this. This isn't a simple case of teen suicide, and I think it needs to be seriously addressed on that higher context of what could have happened, what was "supposed" to happen.

I have been craving an MMO lately, and also a vastly detailed space game. Basically, I want to play Eve Online minus the fact that Eve sucks horribly. ARGH. I have a few single player space games, Independence War 2, and one I took a chance on at Target called Darkstar One. I-War is buggy and formulaic and I played through it a long time ago. Darkstar is ok but seems very repetitive....what I really want is an MMO though, one with nice people, one where I can get what I want out of it without it feeling like "work"...which disqualifies Eve, doing anything in that game takes a lot of preparation.

I even checked out Ultracorps again, which is still in free beta all these years, but that game is way unbalanced, and it seems even moreso now that they gave a race with an already powerful capital ship (called a "Medium" cruiser) an upgrade to said capital ship making it a "Heavy" cruiser which rivals the capital ships of the "warrior" race, only it goes much faster.

Ugh. Damn Eve for sucking like it does.

As of Saturday I had officially survived my job for an entire year! It feels weird that just a little over a year ago, I was still working behind a desk at ViaHealth doing nothing but sending hospital bills. Then I went to Michigan which was a fun trip but honestly not as much so as anticipated. In any case, I remebered how unknown everything seemed the first day I walked into the classroom on the second floor of RPC, and how different everything feels now. Some things feel a lot more routine than I ever thought they would, and some things I was really looking forward to about the job have kinda lost their appeal. For one, I enjoy the parts where I get to be a counselor, but I'm upset that they don't have professional psychotherapists to really teach some of the people how to cope with their various traumas and baggage. I can talk with people and do a lot of good but when it comes to real trauma, I don't have the training to help them really start to move forward. I can only do temporary good it seems, and while I'm very pleased that I can do any good at all, it's still frustrating. I am planning on getting a Masters degree, as someone pointed out a M.S. in Mental Health Counseling offered at Fisher...however as already said the State doesn't use them, so I'd have to work in some outpatient setting...which is fine with me, I just think it's a shame that they don't use them in my facility in conjunction with psychiatrists that deal with medications.

Anyway, my mind is a lot more at ease now, knowing that I made it through my year-long probation at RPC. I even almost forgot that I get a salary grade increase now. I'm also glad to be in a job that's secure since it's union-backed, and there are minimal staffing requirements. In an economy like this, I'm glad to have job security.

I realized recently that I don't write anything clever anymore. I used to...I can't think of any one reason why I don't anymore. Do I not have clever thoughts anymore? Maybe I don't have time for clever thoughts? Maybe I'm not around the people that I used to have clever thoughts around? If you go back to the beginning of this journal you notice a huge style change between then and now...I hope it's not because I've grown up.

Current Music: Infected Mushroom & Astral Projection

This past week I haven't been able to sleep well. It's really late, I'm tired, but as soon as I lay down I can't sleep. I usually have to fall asleep on the couch watching TV first, or stay up really late until I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. It's like I'm back in college again. I also have a sore throat, probably picked up from a patient on my floor last week...or maybe since I got reassigned to geriatrics again the last two days, but that's a long and very infuriating story...but really I've felt this throat thing building for a few days now. I'll have to go out and get Halls tomorrow. At least this weekend is feeling long...it feels like I should have to go to work tomorrow, but I still have one more day off.

I wish that Facebook's "iLike" music applet would stop getting me all excited about concerts it SAYS are "near me"...in Toronto. Hell I'd rather it tell me they're near me in Binghamton. I'm sorry, but any concert to which I'd need to bring my birth certificate does not feel that "near me." It just doesn't seem worth it to leave the country for a concert...not even R.E.M., Bad Religion, Carbon Leaf, or any of the other bands I'd really like to see if not for the fact that they seem to only play in Toronto. I don't want to go to Toronto!